Toilet Lids Diving into Pools of Chapped Lips!

The title is a Junk written several years ago (by yours truly) that I’m quite proud of…mainly because I think it’s really oddly amusing. 

Actually the Junk is a bit longer than that, but that’s the best part of it. For those who don’t know, Junk is a form of writing that my sisters and I made up that consists of making up grammatically correct sentences using the weirdest imagery possible. The results can be downright hilarious…if that kind of humor is up your alley.

Lana was the original creator—-though creating an odd form of writing wasn’t her intention at the time. She was studying for a computer test and Word was one of the things she was going to be tested on. So, if I remember correctly, she typed up random letters, and then deleted them systematically until she came up with a sentence that wasn’t underlined in red and green. I walked in (I was 13 and Lana was maybe 15, almost 16) and read what she wrote:

“So bored of stuff that don’t need a fee to plop in the trill”

“No cucaracha can dance on an igloo with a fish in his brute”

I then proceeded to laugh so hard that anything I tried to say turned out to be completely incoherent. I tried to say the first one out loud but couldn’t get past “stuff” because I couldn’t breathe. I thought it was the most hilarious thing ever. I don’t even know who would find it as hilarious as we do…but we think it’s pretty freaking funny. I guess you could also say it’s can be pretty disturbing too. Like a smile creeping over a bald spot (Lana’s creation). Or streamlined thigh hair (my creation).

We went through a phase where we banged out several pages of Junk and laughed super-hard every time. I know we printed them out at one point but I don’t know where they are. Maybe in some abandoned box in Lebanon. I hope they’re not all lost, because we had so many! I even had a bunch memorized but it’s been a while and most of them have flown out of my head—-save for the really odd ones that stuck around my brain.

Speaking of which, Lana—-there was this one Junk you wrote that had something to do with turtles…and moisturising cream? Or something? Bloody hell, I can’t believe I forgot it! It was one of my favorites! I even rounded off one of Mr. Rapa’s tests with it in high school. There was a bonus question I didn’t know how to answer so I put that Junk in there instead. I think his comment on it was “interesting!”. At least he had a semblance of a sense of humor.

To round this off, here is a Junk written not too long ago. Our Junk writings are few and far between nowadays, but this was a collaborative effort we wrote on each others’ walls on Facebook. The black is Lana and the red is mine.

And as the liver-scented feather duster knitted the wind chime, it sighed deeply at the thought of its creation leaving the nest and one day becoming the world-renowned Molding Tick. It was deeply saddened by the thought and instead decided to crochet a fork. This fork immediately decided to spring to the life-falls of Babylon, where it began to hang around the tree trunks of yore and warty underground writers. Soon the liver-scented feather duster felt that it had developed enough gangrene to continue reciting the freakishly lengthy but gorgeous tome of “The Wretch of Boon”. The grizzly bears of Quark Raccoons were finally able to rest in their verified state.