Dear Comma,
I realized something.
I don’t like you and your ilk. I use you because I am forced by the “Powers That Be” who have full authority over my written use of the English language. However, I most certainly do not hesitate in proclaiming my abhorrance of you. I am especially repulsed by you when I am being tested on your use, or when I am attempting to aid my sister on the rules of your use. You seem to insist on being put in the most bizarre of places. You enjoy making me feel ignorant. You laugh heartily at my plight, at me trying so hard to think about where to put you–a dumb and insignificant big-headed blob of ink–that my sister shall be so seriously graded on. I shall also soon be at the mercy of your randomness, when it comes time for me to write the English portion of the SAT I exam. I shall despise you persistently until my death draws nigh. I shall plot cunning schemes, the ends of which would be your ultimate and unsightly demise. When that happy event occurs, I shall guffaw loudly and with much glee. I shall conclude by stating that you are revolting and detestable, so much so, that I shall fight fiercely to restrain this horrifying and frighteningly deep urge to regurgitate ceaselessly at the mere mention of your dreaded name.
Damn you and the bastard who invented you!
Burn in HELL!
Regards,
Jubne.
PS: I know perfectly well that I used commas at least 10 times in this hate-filled letter. However, like I mentioned before–I use them because I HAVE to…not because I want to. I cannot even have the freedom to boycott that which I abhor! Ah, what a woeful and unjust world I am impelled to inhabit!
